No WAY!

Oooooooohhhhhhhh my goodness. Oh. My. Gosh. Golly. Jeebus. All of the other faux-swear-words I can think of. I had to come here to let off some steam.

Flights are booked. We’re doing this NEXT WEEK! 😀

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Right, now that that’s out of my system… I’ve been reflecting on what it means to feel grateful lately, and more specifically, opportunities where we have the choice to replace a lot of other feelings with gratitude.

Last week I was sick. I mean *really* sick, not Lupus sick (all is pretty steadily uneventful on that front thankfully!), just a good old fashioned virus. It’s been a long time since I’ve lost a whole week to illness, so that’s what I chose to focus on – how incredibly fortunate I am to have times of wellness. So many people with my cocktail of disease can’t say the same. Last week wasn’t at all easy, but all in all I was glad to have a reminder of just how healthy I have been lately.

Since learning to adapt to having chronic illness in the co-pilot’s seat, I realise just how much choice I have about the way I steer my heart. I have a choice to be grateful. That’s how I see surrogacy too. How incredibly lucky am I to be here, in such an amazing community of people, to meet so many amazing people from all kinds of backgrounds, with a common thread of love and support running so deep.

Gratitude can replace other feelings too. I read a really good article the other day that shows how we have the opportunity to say thank you rather than sorry (check it out here), which prompted me to write this blog post.

When I first came in to the surrogacy world, I had a lot of feelings of guilt. Guilt that I was putting someone else at risk to mitigate my own, that I was putting my own desire for a family at the expense of another’s, and just basically allowing someone to do something for me that I would never in a million years be able to say thank you enough for. It didn’t sit right, and I wondered whether this guilty feeling would ever end. At times I felt as though it would prevent me from being able to ever “do” surrogacy.

I’m not saying that those feelings have disappeared – I think they’re still there and always will be; however instead of feeling like there’s a rock sitting in the bottom of my tummy because of guilt, more and more, I’m beginning to replace the guilt with gratitude, or as the article above says, replacing the “I’m sorry” with “thank you”.

Here’s a list of things I’m grateful for at this very minute:

  • Having the mental space to realise that now is an opportune time to slow down, reflect and learn. We are approaching a big milestone in our surrogacy journey, and I want to soak it in!
  • Allowing myself to be excited! I think it’s important to celebrate every opportunity for excitement, because withholding excitement with too much caution denies us of so many opportunities to be content in life.
  • Watching my husband get excited, and feeling more involved. Granted, his version of excitement is outwardly very different from mine, but I can tell on the inside that he has a genuine excitement, which I am so grateful to be able to witness, because it is something I felt I was denying him when I discovered I would not be able to carry.
  • Seeing the look of excitement on Rachel’s face, hearing it in her voice, being able to feel it even though we’re half a country away. I am so grateful that we will have an opportunity to share that excitement in person so soon!
  • Realising that all of the above dot points relate to excitement.
  • Excitement!

I am under no impression that this sweet spot will last forever, but I have resolved to fully embrace it while it’s here. I know we’re likely to have bumps, roundabouts and detours along the way, but right now, in this very moment, I am Joy 🙂

10 thoughts on “No WAY!

  1. I love that your post entered around being grateful – it’s something I’ve been making a point to focus on this week, so it’s sort of serendipitous to see others doing the same thing.

    Excitement was the word on my mind when that little email notification came up saying “Intended awesome…”. Excitement was the word on my mind when I saw the first few lines of your post. “Excitement” is the only way to describe the squeee I made when I saw your flights were booked and everything is starting next week.

    (I think you’re the only woman in the world who can make me squeee BTW, but let’s keep that on the down low lol)

    I’m so happy for you all xx

    • I didn’t even realise that it was my life’s mission to get a squee out of you until now 😀 I feel oddly fulfilled.
      Gratefulness is awesome!! Let’s keep it up and encourage others to do the same! 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

  2. How exciting wow! I love your last couple of dot points haha! I hope you’re feeling better now and that you’ll be nice and rested for your big pre-Christmas present 😀 Best of luck guys!

  3. So excited for you all! And I LOVE that link. I am going to try and take that on board, so THANK YOU for sharing!

    Best of luck with your transfer next week- I will be cheering for you all!
    xo

    P.S. Flick, one day I hope to get a squeeeee out of you. I will make it my lifes mission!

  4. Hi Marian,
    Wow,wow and more wow,that is just awesome news. I was excited and surprised all at once and I wish you all the very best with your transfer next week.
    Hope you are feeling a lot better now after your recent illness. Not nice at all being unwell.
    Thanks for sharing your special news with us and I will look forward to the next update.
    Julie xxx

  5. I love reading your updates! so exciting, thought provoking and well written! That link is a great one and definitely something I’ll be taking on board. So so excited for you guys! You four will make fantastically cute babies 😀

    • how did I not reply to this comment? My sincere apologies! 😀 Thank you so much for your well wishes Shavone!! You’re all kinds of fabulous!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.